meg...

Ingen vet hvor haren hopper, ingen vet hvor Lise stopper... Translation: No one knows where the hare jumps, no one knows where Lise stops.. :/

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Bad day... That's today... Or?

It's a good time ago now that Ivan and I bought our table cloth. It's a lovely one, which we both love. It's two-toned with dirty old pink and a deeper colour of what we'd say is between a deep pink and aubergine... Well, as I said, we really fell in love with it. But, being as I am the clumsy person that I am, I spilled something on it. I put it to wash and it shrunk. Only with a few centimeters, but enough for it to look silly. We were gutted!

We ended up with having an out of shape cream crochet table cloth: Which was nice enough, but it couldn't be compared with the old one.
As life sometimes doesnt go the way we always want it to we learned to live with it, until yesterday. We needed some food, so we went to the shopping centre and we couldn't believe our luck. Not only did one of the shops have our tablecloth - it had been reduced to only 20 Kroner (approximately £2)!! Without a question in mind we bought what was rightfully ours and as you've probably guessed, we were thrilled!

So the first thing we did when we got home was getting rid of the cream cloth and putting our new one on... And, ah, it was lovely! :)

Anyway, you know how everyone always keep things, just in case we might need it, although we probably never will? Well, we kept our old cloth so we decided to make cushion out of it. Considering I am the kind of person who loves cushions, not to look at them, but to have them on my lap while sitting in the sofa, you'd be surprised to find out that we had none! .... So it was about time to get some!
Fair enough, I got the sewing-machine down, got myself ready only to find out it didn't work. Although it probably did and the only problem was me trying to working it out. But my patience was running low, I tried and I tried and then. Guess what!? The bloody sofa collapsed! And, that was it, I'd had enough! So, what did I do? I stole some money of Ivan (Yes, I know, shame on me!) and went to the garage to buy some cigarettes!

So off I go, in my stroppy little mood, I arrive at the garage, smile to the lad behind the counter, get my cigarettes and off I go again... I light a cigarette and start to think..I realize that it did not actually help one slightest bit! I still had no cushionsns and the old (80's pink velvet) sofa was still laying on the floor looking stupid! So, what was the point in it really? Why do we actually smoke cigarettes thinking it's giving us something when it's not? This really got me thinking, why do we actually smoke? So I sat myself down outside a primary school analyzing my cigarette. I tasted it, felt the smoke down my throat... To be quite frank with you, it didn't taste much, nor did it cut my throat... But I remember the days when it did...

I was thirteen, I had just moved back with my mum after living with my dad for a year. I wasn't much of a streetwise thirteen year old, but why would I have been? I'd never had to be scared of the dark, never worry if someone was to attack me... Things like that just didn't happen where I had lived... But, but this place was different...It was a rough estate in Manchester, where my mum's x had insisted on moving to... Why?! I don't know, but he had... Anyway, I was shocked to learn that most people my age smoked...What? They smoked? Were they even old enough to do such a thing? But, Ok, they smoked, did it have to bother me? I didn't smoke, nor did I intend to... So carried on with life, but then someone I had got to know started asking me if I wanted a cigarette... I said no, she said go on, it wont hurt you and I i yet again said no... And, this is how it carried on, she asking me to smoke...

I think I must have managed to say no for quite a few months before the fatal day came! Though this time it wasn't just her, there were a few other people as well... But, these lads weren't the type to play around with - they were rough! If I let them see that I was weak, that I dared not smoke, they'd take the mickey out of me - making my life uncomfortablele! I couldn't afford that. I had no real friends, and if I didn't have them then I would have none!

As most kids I had tried it at some point and I didn't like it, I knew how horrible it was so I didn't want to do it again! But, I had to, so manned myself up, took the cigarette, had a drag of it... And, I inhaled the smoke. I felt the cutting feeling down my throat and into my loungs, it felt as though my lounges were to explode, but I did my best not to cough! That would have been fatal, because that was definately a sign of weaknes! But, I managed it, I had inhaled without coughing!

Then suddenly I was cool, I was a part of the gang! I had friends! So I had an other drag, still trying hard not to cough! .... So, now that I was cool, I had to keep up the image, which meant I couldn't stop smoking now. So, I carried on smoking whenever I was around them... But, before I knew it, I wasn't only smoking around them... I was smoking even when I was on my own - I had got addicted!! Oh my God, how could that be, I was never supposed to get addicteded!!


Now, I ask you... Do you remember the first time you smoked? Did you intend on getting addicteded? Did it ever cross your mind that you'd be spending the rest of your life smoking cigarettes, panicking whenever you run out? Spending the money you can't afford to spend, just to buy those precious little cigarettes, the cigarettes that gives you what? Not a bigger wallet or a better health, that's for a fact. It doesn't make you more confident or cool...

If you are at that stage where you think smoking is cool or that it gives you confidence and status... Do please think again, because does it really? I thought status was supposed to be a nice car and a big house, not spending your money on your coffingnails! In fact it doesn't matter why you think it is you're smoking, do think about it...!

Back at the step, outside the primary I wrote a note where it said "I don't need cigarettes, nor do you! don't think about the money you spend, just ask yourself what cigarettes actually gives you! Is there really any point?" I put it in the plastic around the packet. Left the packet open and went... You might think its silly, but that's what I did! And, I don't regret it, funnily enough!